Mission: Strawberry
by Sheamaru
Summary: With Kotetsu out on a mission, Izumo is in charge of one of his usual chores: condom duty. Can he manage it? Kotetsu x Izumo


**Series/Disclaimer:** Naruto, still don't own it.  
**Pairing(s):** Kotetsu x Izumo  
**Warning:** Sexual humor, shounen-ai.  
**Summery:** With Kotetsu out on a mission, Izumo is in charge of one of his usual chores; condom duty. Can he manage it?

**Author's Note:** Yeah, I had the idea in my head for a while and then I had it in my note book for a while and now it's here! So, yeah, I dunno. I hope you like it.

This is more comical than anything.

By the way, just in case, when Kotetsu sniffs at the end it's just that sniff/snort thing that he does (or seems to do) in the show. oO He's not smelling the box or anything.

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He was twenty-four, this wasn't supposed to be as big a deal as it had been when he was sixteen. At sixteen he was young and clearly inexperienced and probably shouldn't have been looking for any isle that pertained to anything sexual. After all, they always told you not to follow your hormones, so sex wasn't something you should have been looking into – protected or not. Of course it was always nice to keep that population growing, but not from parents in the usual Genin age average. No, child producing was for an older age group. Not that he had to worry about it – he was pretty sure neither he nor Kotetsu could get pregnant anyway.

Izumo easily maintained his usual Chuunin composure all the walk to the store; though he had to admit to himself that his head was swirling. Normally he wasn't the one doing this, Kotetsu always got the condoms. This time really shouldn't have been any different but he insisted that Izumo buy them. After all, he was suppose to get home from a mission late that night (actually the mission spanned over two days and where Izumo normally didn't put things off – he had been silently debating just telling Kotetsu to do it himself, an idea he promptly rejected when the other's voice started to shamelessly mock his embarrassment) and there was never a doubt that he might be feeling a little…aggressive…after the rush of a mission. He didn't want to worry about picking them up on the way home, so he asked Izumo. They were just condoms, he was twenty-four now, no big deal.

The store looked the same, which meant he easily knew where to go. Though he now was trying to remember what the box looked like, sitting in the bedside table on Kotetsu's side. Was it black and green…or black and blue? Or was it white and blue? The colors indicated a lot of different things, he knew that, but that hardly meant he knew what Kotetsu got. After all, he didn't know about anyone else, but in the middle of a passionate or lusting act, he wasn't sticking a label of size on his lover. '_I'll remember it if I see it,_' he came to the logical mental conclusion. After seeing the box so many times, he should have been able to recognize it when he saw it.

The little relief he had found in that was immediately sucked away as he strode into the isle. Dark eyes scanned over the brands, boxes, types, and flavors. Flavors! Who wanted a condom to taste like anything? Any time they did something like that he certainly didn't want latex in his mouth. Unable to completely quell his curiosity though, he squinted at the box a little. As a few thoughts about the possibilities creeped into the crevasses of his brain, a slight color reached his cheeks. How fitting he was squinting at a box of strawberry flavored condoms.

"You need help, Izumo-san?"

The Chuunin rather unceremoniously reacted almost like a startled animal. Lifting his flushed cheeks and surprised eyes to the kunoichi behind the counter. She was looking at him with an expression of worry mixed with the urge to laugh – a smile twitching faintly at the corner of her mouth. He could notice the twitch of her lips yet he couldn't remember what brand of condoms he and Kotetsu used. Now he was being laughed at for it. This day was as much fun as the paper work he had left sitting on his desk back at the complex.

"No, thank you," he replied, his voice wavering a little in embarrassment and annoyance. She smiled at him and nodded, turning her attention down to the magazine she had been flipping through. Despite this, he knew she kept glancing up to see if he had made any progress in his search. He was sure that it was exactly his complete lack of progress that made her feel the need to keep looking back down to her magazine. '_Yeah, that's right, stop looking at me. Nothing to see here_,' a usually quiet, but spiteful still, voice muttered in his head.

Rather lost in returning to a focus on his task, he missed the counter girl sneaking up behind him. A poor show of skill on his part, but being a ninja was hardly his entire life. It couldn't have been fun for Kotetsu to lay an emotionally hardened Chuunin after all. At the thought of his wild haired partner, he was awkwardly caught between a pleased smile and an increasing scowl. So of course it would only be logical for the girl to make himself known then.

Izumo tensed as boxes slid from the shelves behind him in a rather attention getting way. He whirled around to look at the girl who had now decided to act like it wasn't her fumbling that had created the racket. His dark eyes flicked from the pile on the floor to her again, then to the floor, "S-sorry, I was just-"

"Spying on me?" he thought out-loud, moving forward to help. Unfortunately she chose that instant to whirl on him as though upset and not even a Jounin would have been able to dodge that collision. Without grace or ceremony, the back of her head collided solidly with poor Izumo's nose. Promptly his own head lifted, hands going to his nose. Her large eyes widened even more so as she realized exactly what she had done. Before the apology could even fully leave her mouth – the bell on the door clanged and jingled with Izumo's flustered exit.

The embarrassed, and now in pain, Chuunin retreated to a small gazebo down the street. Sitting down, he swiped a slightly shocked and heat shaken hand under his nose. Thankfully, it returned with no blood, leaving him able to tilt his head back against the wood without worry. Or at least about that crisis; now if only the other could be just as easily solved. He leaned forward, supporting himself with his arms resting over his gray uniform clad legs.

His dark eyes slipped closed and he brought up a nearly photographic image of the shelf. Silently he ran over the different types he had seen, not that the selection was particularly large, but still large enough to confuse him apparently. He was continually finding his attention dragged away from their normal brand to the strawberry flavored ones. The idea seemed a little absurd at first, but now that he thought about it…

"Izumo?"

Once again snapped from a world of 'focusing', the twenty four year old fought down a blush. It wasn't like he had been doing anything, just thinking! There was nothing wrong with thinking, and especially not about thinking of the potential of a strawberry flavored condom. '_Twenty four years old! Get it through your head and get it together, Izumo! TWENTY FOUR.'_

"Y-yes?" he stumbled slightly, turning to look at who had called him. Tsunade, who should have been in her office, had apparently decided to take one of her little needed breaks of the day.

"You have work to do, you shouldn't be sitting here day dreaming," she remarked. At the moment, he suddenly felt the incredible urge to thank her. Almost as though she had just solved all of his problems. Work, yes, the sane world of paper-work and delivering papers and scrolls. Who would have thought Tsunade to open the door to sanity?

"Right away, Hokage-sama!" he retorted entirely too enthusiastically before disappearing to the Hokage Complex Building. The blonde was left raising a brow at the puff of smoke that was once her…supposedly…saner assistant.

"Thank god Kotetsu comes back tonight, that guy is plain _weird _without him…" she remarked before moving to continue on her search for lunch and evasion of Shizune.

Feeling some renewed sense of sanity as he sat down, Izumo attempted to completely forget the incident with the store clerk and the condoms. The day would be left completely problem, stress, and strawberry-flavored-condom free, he'd work so late that Kotetsu would stop by here to pick him up and, if it was necessary, they'd get the box on the way back to the apartment. He would pay attention, so this would never happen again, if he was in charge of getting condoms. This plan was perfect, his Chuunin skills were finally beginning to click in.

'_And if he's too tired, then I can just say I forgot and we'll get them tomorrow_,' he settled, pulling one of the mission reports over so he could read through it. However, he noticed Shikamaru's usually thorough yet somehow vague report taking on a slightly stranger quality the more he progressed through th writing. What did…'ultra thin' have to do with Ino's two o'clock position on surrounding the enemy? Or was that his shadow following a thin line on the ground? But Shikamaru hardly ever used the word 'ultra' so how did that get in there? Izumo shook thoughts from his head for a moment before continuing through the report.

Unfortunately for his sanity, words that had been appearing on boxes back at the store were continually appearing throughout the report to the point he ended up dropping his head quite low to the paper then sitting back holding it up and only after rubbing his eyes did the innuendo free sentence show up. A faint sigh of relief was wasted as he continued reading, only to stand up out of his chair quickly, slamming his hands to the table and yelling, in a quite unpleased Izumo way, "What does flavoring have to do with a single thing!?" at the offending report on his desk, "There shouldn't be so many choices anyway! They're just condoms for crying out loud! Why are there so many kind when they do the exact same thing? _Same thing!_"

Genma was far from regretting opening the door to the other's office. Originally, he and Kakashi were just stopping by to drop off some reports. But it almost seemed cruel to leave the poor, distraught Chuunin alone with his apparently perverse thoughts. At least without probing, poking, mocking, and possibly helping him solve them. Really, what kind of people would they be…

"I knew Kotetsu was a little perverted, but you never struck me as the type, Izumo," Genma called as he headed into the room. Suddenly realizing he wasn't alone, the other pinkened a little at the cheeks. Both the brunette and the silver-haired males dropped their files on the desk. His hopefulness that they would leave was immediately vanquished as Genma took a seat on his desk and Kakashi closed the door to lean back against it. This was turning out to be a wonderful day, one minute he was ranting about condoms, and the next he was cornered in his own office by two distinctly curious Jounin. You know what? Forget what he said about Tsunade opening the door to sanity, he knew that was a stretch.

"Speaking of, where is Kotetsu-san?" Kakashi asked, his tone it's usual almost drawl.

"Mission until tonight," Izumo mumbled, taking a seat in his chair once again. Propping his elbows on his desk, he placed his face in his hands. Yes, quite defeated he had been, and once more by an inanimate object.

"Explains your insanity," Genma chided in with a smirk.

"So I'll assume he usually handles matters pertaining to condoms," Kakashi continued, ignoring the brunette's goading, "And now you're at a loss of what to buy for his return."

"Why me?" was Izumo's only response, which he didn't hesitate to muffle with his hands. Genma chuckled around the senbon in his mouth. Inexperienced people were really amusing, especially to Genma who considered himself pretty much born with the necessary skills for being wonderful at sex.

"It's no problem kid, we can tell you everything y'need to know…"

----------------------

The explanation took from noon to one-thirty, including Izumo's questions (which he only asked after they both insisted no question was stupid and not asking could result in an embarrassing situation later). Through all of it, Izumo mostly danced the line between his curiosity and feeling utterly stupid. Kotetsu had been his first and only, even if the reverse hadn't been true. Even then, he had always taken care of condoms, so on some level, he felt his lack of knowledge justified. He did have a few questions about the flavored ones, though, _that _he decided, it'd be best to hold back on.

"So…basically, I guess?" he asked, sitting up a bit straighter in his chair, hands more professionally on it's cluttered surface. His dark eyes were looking to Genma, who seemed to sigh a little, like explaining something to a Genin who simply did not get it. On the border of once again feeling stupid, the spiteful voice in his head mocked Genma for mocking him, so he couldn't claim not to feel slightly better about that. _I'm so tragically sorry that not everyone is incredibly experienced by means of sleeping with every Jounin at least once, Sex God of Condomry._ Which wasn't a word at all and the voice further cursed him out for making up a word for the source of his spite – no matter how stupid the word.

A hand rested on his shoulder from behind and he looked up to Kakashi's pleasantly closed eye, the mask shifting a little to accommodate for his smile, "So, basically, go with whatever seems the most like Kotetsu-san. An educated guess."

Well that terminology was certainly a lot easier to understand than Genma's commentary filled speech. Did he really need his lover rated on that scale? Did he even need to know that Kotetsu had sex with Genma at all? He certainly wasn't seeing the benefit of it. Really, it did very little, and he took some condolence in wondering who far he could get his foot down Genma's throat and how much trouble he would be in for attacking a fellow villager.

"Thank you, Kakashi-senpai," he replied with a slight nod. The other only smiled in response before taking up his usual face and dragging Genma (who was back to talking about his short fling with the Hagone) out of the office with him.

He took a little while longer to gather his thoughts before getting up to head back to the store. The same girl was unsurprisingly behind the counter and they greeted each other with weary smiles – Izumo's nose giving a familiar ache. He sighed a little and headed back for the isle again, her eyes once more following his movements. He managed to fight back the urge to kindly but sourly ask her to leave him the hell alone. His focus wasn't on her for the time, it was on the task at hand to accomplish, think of it as a mission. Just a normal, albeit stupid, mission…to buy condoms…what kind of pervert would request that for a mission? Izumo was a little ashamed to come up with more than one name in less than thirty seconds.

His keen eyes scanned wearily over the boxes and various types again. Which of these seemed more like Kotetsu? Was it normal to think of your lover as a brand of condom? It seemed entirely weird to him, and he was sure that if that girl didn't stop looking at him, he would never pick up a box. Maybe if he just grabbed one and stopped standing there like a dork she would be satisfied.

Did he really just think of himself as a dork? _'My god, I am sixteen…_'

Lashing out hand, he picked up the first box his fingers brushed. He watched her from the corner of his visible eye as she watched him. Once she caught the sight of his chosen box, she did indeed look away, and seemed once again, to be giggling. Izumo, unfortunately, didn't catch on until he looked back to the green and black box of 'Twisted Pleasure' condoms. For the millionth time that day, his face flushed red in color and he hurriedly moved to put the box back, which caused him to knock others down. Why was it that on a job, a ninja usually excelled at grace and stealth, but when he was acting as a civilian running a supposedly simple errand, he had to be a complete klutz? Apparently on and off duty meant everything to his usual skill.

"Oh. Here! Let me help," she called all too eagerly, jumping over the counter (quite literally) to help him. Izumo attempted to say he could handle it himself but he was starting to realize that he really didn't think he could. Of all the ninja in all the world, he gets bested by a piece of synthetic latex. Oh! Wait! No! There was polyurethane and lambskin there to help!

"I can't do this," he sighed in utter defeat and over such a pathetic task as well. He was just gathering the last of the boxes in his hand when one black and orange decorated box was thrust into his face.

"Kotetsu, right? He usually buys these kind," she told him, her voice very much that of an informative person making a crucial point. How anyone could take such a tone about condoms was beyond him, but he supposed as an adult and Chuunin making such a ridiculous fuss over condoms, he shouldn't have been the one to talk.

"Th-These?" he stumbled, taking the box from her. Looking over it, he noticed they were polyurethane and contained some kind of warming lubricant. In some place at the back of his head, that seemed oddly, though entirely, fitting, "Thank you…"

"No problem," she smiled and they stood up. Izumo continued to look over the box as she plucked the ones he had gathered from the floor to return them to their right spots. Seeming to catch on a little, Izumo opened his mouth to question how she knew, "No, he hasn't slept with me. I'm usually running the counter when he stops in so I've seen them enough times to remember."

Though that logic seemed…rather awkward, Izumo nodded and looked back to the box again. His brain settled on the familiar orange coloring, yep, these were right. After a few more minutes he was at the counter paying. Before handing her the cash though, he decided, "Hold on, there's something else…"

It was about two-thirty when Izumo was heading home with a plastic bag and paper bag over his shoulder. The third of what was left of a candy bar was being munched on quite contently. Everything was feeling much more at ease now as he headed back for the apartment. The rest of his day could be safely spent behind his desk now, without needing to worry about a displeased Kotetsu. He could hear the other's slight approving sniff already.

And, oh, for the sake of clichés, he did just hear a sniff. Lifting his head, he turned around to be faced with, rather immediately, his boyfriend's face. He pulled the remainder of his candy bar hurriedly into his mouth, letting the wrapper drop between them, "Kotetsu, what are you doing home early?"

"Don't sound so thrilled to see me," he mocked, though he was smirking anyway. Before he thought to argue it, the other pulled him closer to nuzzle his cloth strip covered cheek against the other's. Izumo wasn't having any of it as he brought his bags against the other Chuunin's shoulder. Kotetsu drew back quickly with a slight 'ow' under his breath, "What was that for!"

"Don't make me run your errands! This has been the most embarrassing day of my life because of your damn condoms!"

Kotetsu blinked at him curiously before raising a brow at his best friend, "Well you don't have any problem yelling about it in the middle of the street."

"That's different!" he replied before glancing to one of the people that passed them. '_It seems to be one hell of a liberating feeling to buy your first box of condoms._' Kotetsu mused seconds before the bags were shoved into his arms by one very annoyed Izumo heading in the opposite direction.

"Where are you going?" the black-urchin headed Chuunin shouted after his partner. Being off early gave him the rest of the day off…maybe Izumo was going to request the same. That thought seemed quite appealing to a very sexual and adrenaline rushed Kotetsu.

"Work!" Izumo shouted, his voice clearly ringing with no intent to try and get off early. '_Oh, ouch. Way to harsh my boner, love_.' He sighed. Giving him time to cool seemed to be a good idea, Kotetsu decided as he turned to head back to the apartment. Curiosity usually being his master, he unrolled the top of the paper bag to check inside. The usual box was accompanied by something in need of further observation.

Reaching in, he pulled out the smaller and clearer box to turn it over in his hands once. A brow raised and he glanced over his shoulder at the still retreating Izumo before looking back to the box again, "Strawberry flavored, eh?"

He sniffed.


End file.
